Okay, I’m taking applications. I have a position to fill. I’m looking for the perfect man. When I find him, he will be one lucky son of a gun. Cause I’m going to give him things of which he could only dream! You see, I can be very, very good to a guy. I intend to treat this hero like a king.
My life is not what I want it to be. I’m lonely. I find myself talking to the dog and my bed is so damn big that I could literally throw a party in it and have room left over. And that’s a shame, cause I have an awful lot of love to give. Just piles and piles! And I’m sweet and tender and loving – and I like sex and I’m good at it! Can you sense my frustration?
First I’ll tell you what I’m offering, and then I’ll tell you what I want. And bear with me, I know my readers are mostly women, I’m practicing here.
THE DEAL –
I cook, quite well. I will fix you a gourmet meal once a day – but I don’t cook breakfast. I can’t eat breakfast. I eat muffins with my coffee, bacon and eggs sorta ick me out – – – – but, I will prepare you luscious Cajun or TexMex meals with home baked desserts. And if you’ll smile at me, I’ll sit in your lap and feed you, kissing you in between bites.
I’ll buy you surprises. I love surprises and I want you to have them too. Anything from golf clubs to clothes to ‘the meat of the month’ club. (Actually that sounds like something I’d enjoy – ha!) A new car might not be too far-fetched, all depends on what kind of foot rubs you can do.
I’m entertaining – a good conversationalist, I can sing and play piano – if you need to be entertained. I like to watch movies, but not reality shows. And soft porn is an option. But the main entertainment I offer is research for the novels. I’d like a volunteer to try out sex scenes and positions that I need to get just right….
Sex – okay, let’s put our cards on the table. I like sex. And I offer it twice a day, maybe more including blow jobs, which I adore. Missionary is my favorite, although I will try anything and I have a breast fetish – I want your lips on mine as much as possible.
Travel – I like to travel. You can help me drive my RV and research for my novels – – what shall we call you….Recreation Specialist…. Now that has possibilities.
NOW AS FOR WHAT I WANT…..
I prefer dark haired guys. And if you have a dimple in your chin, I’ll swoon. Cowboys are encouraged to apply – I have a weakness for cowboy boots, but I also have a soft spot for tennis shoes or deck shoes. So, what I’m saying is that I won’t rule anyone out based on their background or geographical location.
I want you to be taller than me – but hey, I’m 5’3 and a pinch, so that wouldn’t be hard – near six foot would be a bonus. Eye color is unimportant as long as you’ll stare into mine.
Muscles, I like them, but I will give you every opportunity to build some through vigorous workouts in the bedroom – ha!
I like longer hair, but I will run my fingers through it no matter its length.
Sense of humor – well, that’s a must cause you’re gonna need it with me. I’m a klutz and a workaholic and I pout a little.
MUST LOVE ANIMALS, since I come with a menagerie from dogs to cats to bulls and goats.
Must want to be loved, cause I tend to get attached. Marriage is not required, but faithfulness is.
NOW FOR THE CLINCHER
You don’t have to be real. In fact, I don’t expect you to be real. I’m going to dream you up and put you in the pages of a book. Not that I wouldn’t love for you to be someone I could hold and hug and love, but I can live with the fact you’re not really in my life as long as you’re willing to live in my dreams.
My writing is a direct product of my daydreams, so the male lead is a huge responsibility and there is an opening. Now the female role is filled – that’s me. Always. I made a huge mistake in Welcome To My World – I made her blonde! Now, I actually have someone else’s image stuck in my head and its not working. I should have never varied from my standard – which was me – waist length dark hair down to my butt, me at my thinnest, tanned, and CUTE AS A BUG!
So, if you’d spread it around. I need to fill this position ASAP. My current crush has expired, they killed him off! So, if you know of anyone you think would qualify to stand in for the McCoy cousins and other heroes of mine – please send him my way!